My daughter, my friend....

A Simply Lovely Life.

It's not uncommon for me to hear someone say (just about any/and every time I'm out and about with the children), "Wow, you must have your hands full", or "I don't know how you do it!", or "God bless you!" (translated--"God help you!)!", as soon as they discover that I am the mother of 10 children (or maybe even just the 5 or 6 or so that I happen to have with me at the time).

I have to admit, that when I look back on the early years of loving and raising my oldest children (nursing them, changing diapers, cooking, sewing, home schooling, sleepless nights and/or nights with very little sleep, baby sickness/all day sickness during pregnancies, etc...) with no old-er children (or nanny or maid,  cook, laundress or gardener) to lend a hand, I kind of marvel at the wonder of it all, myself. And the truth is, that there was so much joy in the journey (depsite the challenges due to my own inadequacies and shortcomings and the inevitable bit of pickle-ism of children here and there along the way), that there are countless days that I daydream about the past, wishing I could turn back the hands of time and do it all over again, one more time.

I marvel at the sweetness those early days held, me learning, growing, changing, walking alongside my precious children, as their mama, but as a fellow-sheep, as well---totally and completely dependent upon God, for wisdom, for strength, for His tenderly-firm love.

The needs really were great and ever-present, and I surely didn't come equipped for the task, beyond the bare essentials. But, God being God, He is not only ever-faithful-and-true (light-of-day, dark-of-night), but likewise, magnetically drawn to need. Therefore, it wasn't long before (thanks to Him and His wise maneuvering) He and I had a pretty good thing goin'.

Since I was nursing a baby or two, year after year, I was inevitably awake at some point during the wee hours of the night, or earliest morning. At first I was (more than) a little hesitant to sacrifice sleep to any significant degree, worried that I'd be a real *sleep deficient ogre* the next day.

God has a plan........

I was a real "mover and shaker" in my day. I guess I kind of held the view that if someone else could do something, well,--then I I could do it, too (if I set my mind to it and tried hard enough).

Then, along came the first of several *pickles*, as I am fond of calling them. He was, it seemed, faster than me, smarter than me, and had a will 5 times as strong as mine. Big Papa and I, took to calling him (in private, of course--though did I menion that he also seemed to have supersonic hearing?) "One-More-Time-Wesley", or "Repeat-One-/as in Broken-Record-Wesley".

In the end, I don't think *I* was a very "tough nut (for God) to crack", as I was dealing with, as I said earlier, a *pickle* (the first of 2, possibly 3), which brought me to the end of myself, seemingly overnight (oh, the patience of God. You and I know it surely took longer than that. Yes? :o).

I was an avid reader, and spent my evening hours (in those early days-- for sometime, Big Papa was not only working during the day, but also going to school and undertaking various other pursuits during many nights) submersed in parenting books, knowing in my heart if ever there was a "sink or swim" situation, this would be it.

It seemed for a short sprint, I read it all, I tried it all, but it still wasn't jelling, somehow. I just knew there had to be *some*thing better--short of calling the authors on the phone (several times a day), or....moving in with them. I respected all the authors. I was truly amazed, in awe, really at their endless successes with their own children, but somehow, what worked for them (being who they were), with their children (being who they were) just wasn't working out quite the exact same, for me, and mine.

I'd never desired anything more than I desired to be a loving wife and mother and have a peaceful, orderly, warm, inviting home. I loved my children, so much.

So, my need for *h-e-l-p*, began to take precedence over my need for sleep, and I began going to God, as a friend (albeit a desperate one) each night (in the middle of the night/very early morning) after nursing one of my babies. I had everything that I needed gathered together, at the ready--my Bible, a hymnal, my journal, pens, highlighter, and I would wake myself up while nursing, get the baby snugged back in, (or in the case with some-take 'em with me) and go into the living room, to just *be* with God.

It's here I'll digress for one moment. It wasn't that I was unfamiliar with intimacy with God. As a young Christian, 20 years old (born, raised, and living in Wisconsin), God opened up the doors for me to go to a Christian ministry in New Hampshire.  I was amazed at the beauty of New England and was blessed with some of the dearest relationships I'd ever known. Through God's providential blessing, what began as a magical, beautiful, summer education situation, evolved into a year-long commitment as a "counselor", or "room discipler" (i.e. one who God desires to do a whole lot of befriending, sistering, mothering, loving, nurturing---through (key word, here--through) Perhaps, even more accurately *in* and through. Well I wasn't long at His Mansion, in this capacity, before I realized, that the needs were *way* too great, including those of my own, for me to even remain there myself, without quickly burning right out/running away from it all, let alone be of any help whatsoever to anyone *else*.

I lived in what was called, "the Chalet". Each female counselor/discipler, lived in a room, of "the Chalet", with 3 precious young women. It was a room large enough to hold 2 sets of bunk beds, 2 bureaus, and a bookshelf. Each room had it's own bathroom.

We did have time set aside each morning for devotions, about half an hour or so--to read our Bibles and pray--all of us in the room, together, each situated on her own bunk. But, there were more than a few distractions, and the time flew by. Though I was able to read a little bit of the Bible and spend some time praying, each day, there was no real significant, one-to-one truly life-changing exchange taking place between God and me, or between me and anybody else, as a result.

Well, as the needs in the lives of those around me, as well as the needs in my own life, became more and more apparent/overwhelming to me, and my own resources and ability to understand, love, nurture, care for, and make a difference in anyone's life proved entirely insufficient, God continued to  draw me to Himself, alone, in a quiet place, when and where He could love me, and I was free to respond to that love--and all the riches it entailed.

So, eventually, go to Him I did, during the only available time-- about an hour and a half before anyone else in my room got up, and in the only available place--the bathroom (as I was responsible for the gals in the room, and couldn't just head out to somewhere else). So, thus it began, that each morning I'd wake up to my alarm (way before my body was agreeable to actually doing so) and head into the bathroom. I'd perch my guitar case along the side of the tub, and get situated with my Bible and begin reading it, not as one reading a textbook for sheer knowledge, but as one searching, out of great need and desperation (my own, and that of those I was privileged to be living with) on the knees of my heart, calling out to, searching for, desirous of finding, God Himself, amidst it's pages.

What began with day-after-day of many tears on my part, became something so sweet that I wouldn't have missed it for all the world (despite the fact that I was getting along on far less sleep than I was prior to the decision to take the only time available to me, to do so) a time of *be*ing with God, so He could love me. It wasn't long before my love for Him grew, and grew, and grew. My heart overflowed in song after song, to Him, and each morning found me in living, breathing, fluid conversation and life-giving exchange, with the One that made me and knew me, and the dearest ones I was living with and walking alongside. God loved me, began profoundly changing me (key word(s) here, again--changing *me*, not any/or everybody else--that I might have been desirous of seeing changed--because they were making my life difficult at times, *but me*, through and in the midst of, the very difficulties He was allowing--and this was a season of many confusing painful difficulties in my life), with a love sufficient for me, with enough left over, for others as well--it was truly amazing, a marvel to me. 

So, it was here that I actually first experienced getting beyond just knowing *about* God (which I do agree is good, too), to actually *knowing and loving*--truly experiencing, for my sake, being loved *by* God. It was during this set-apart time, that I was able to pose all my many questions to someone that wouldn't just listen, but was capable (as no other is) of going on to make clarity out of confusion, affect the inside of me and those I desired to love, give peace, joy, wisdom and direction.

By and by, as I got busy as, and more proficient at being, a wife and mother, I laid aside any real significant amount of time with the Lord, and again went back to just reading a little bit of the Bible and quickly going over my list of requests for myself and others, to God--there seemed to be no time for real friendship, worship, or adoration--just sitting quietly aside with Him. Oh, I still found time to read *lots* of *good* books, but somehow the many, many, *do*ings of my life took precedence over the simply*be*ing with God. And, it was through my beloved children, that He once again began to show me that all the many *do*ings (no matter how good, or worthy, or *for* God, they seemed to be) wouldn't bear the fruit I was so hoping and longing for, in my own life, or the lives of my children, without the *be*ing. I understood.

Although, as at "His Mansion" (that christian ministry that I called home for a good-long-while there in NH), it wasn't easy at times (perhaps even harder, because it was pretty much me and nobody else, on duty 'round the clock with the children--and I had a good-sized little brood growin' and goin'), and every fiber of my being rebelled at the thought of getting out of my nice warm bed and actually willing myself to wake up , I did it anyways. It was really the only time available to me, to be entirely alone with God; no time restraints, no interruptions, nothing to inhibit me from being open, free, honest, plainly and simply--who I was, and who I was not, before Him.

God, met me there, without fail, every time, and again began to do wondrously beautiful things, in my life, and, this time, in the lives of my precious children. None of us were perfect, we still aren't, but there was life, overflowing within my home. God, showed me where my priorities were out-of-whack, revealed true motives of my heart to me, took all of my confusions, frustrations, fears, hopes, dreams, and gave me the peace that passes all understanding, His joy, that fills to overflowing, and set each day in motion to a gentle rhythm, as He led me along my way, through His Word, by His Spirit.

I had so many questions for Him, each day, much that being a wife and mother brought to the surface, that was in my heart, that I was able to lay down before Him--who knew me through and through, and understood my limitations as well as the desires of my heart. He filled me up with a love, His love, that overflowed to each of my children, and enabled me, by His grace, to prioritize, and make the most of the hours in my days.

Those times, alone with Him, brought about continual transformation in my life. He took all that I had and didn't have, and loved me. As He loved me, I loved my children. As He taught and parented me, I taught and parented them.

Well, needless to say, this dependency has (of necessesity) continued on over the years, and God has continued to extend His loving best-friendship to me, and all the wondrous things that go with it.

The thing most precious to me, that has come out of this blessed best-friendship with God, has been, best-friendship with my children, each one of them. Not because I was perfect, not because I had all the answers, not because I read all the right books written by people that had all the right answers. Not because I followed a certain program, or used a particular curriclum, but because God is Love, and He is faithful, and He made us and He knows us, and He gives wisdom, liberally, to those that ask Him for it. He shows no partiality, and is the only one that has access to us, and our children, deep on the inside, the only place where true and lasting change can occur.

I marveled, and marvel still, at how God led and leads, by example, and just as He loved me; by accepting me, listening to me, by delighting in my presence, by meeting my needs--far above anything I could have ever dreamed of or hoped for, by simply enjoying, *be*ing, with me, so He has led, and continues to lead, me, to do the very same with my children.

The fruit has been far sweeter than I ever could have imagined, borne of simply quieting an oft' restless and fearfulful heart, sincerely desiring, to know and love the very One, who was using all the perplexities and difficulties He was allowing, to draw me to Himself.

When life is hard, when you don't have the love, the wisdom, or the strength, to be the wife and/or mother that your heart so desires to be, to your husband/ your children, go to the One that does, and let Him love you. When people hurt you and disappoint you--within, and outside of, your family--tell God. He already knows the situation through and through, understands entirely, and can enable you to see things, clearly, through His eyes of love. He desires more than anything, for *you* to simply *be* with Him. No book, no friend, not even our dear husbands, can take His place. Let Jesus love you, with a love that is enough for you, and every other precious one your life will touch.

The times and places that I have been able to find this quiet place alone with God, have varied over the years. Many times, it's curled up in my bed, with a nursing infant at my side, my Bible and my booklight. Other times it is in the dark of night, awake, alone, with Him, meditating on the Scripture that I have hidden in my heart. But, the desire is always the same--to know Him, to enjoy Him, to love Him and to be loved by Him.

Ask God to show you the best time and place for you to have set-apart time, of simply *be*ing with Him, for I believe it truly is, the "christian's secret to a happy life". A thriving, fruitful life (beyond just the religious *do*ings for God, or striving to be a *good* Christian), despite our circumstances. Only He can make sense of it all. He wants to, and He will. He so desires to walk and talk with us, throughout each day; sharing in our joys and sorrows, carrying our burdens, holding us close in pain and suffering, granting clarity and wisdom in confusion, giving special meaning and purpose-- breathing *life* into the potentially mundane and ordinary.

I was prompted to share this by one of my youngest best-friendships that overwhelms me to the point of tears, on a near daily basis--the sweet friendship that I share with 3 year old, Aimaija. I stand amazed at God's ways. They are beautiful, indeed.

Just as Jesus gained His life by losing it, He desires for us to do the the very same. It is by loving, serving, giving, thinking the best, believing the best, hoping the best, treating our children as the friends that God intends them to be, that we capture their hearts and hold them, through childhood, into young adulthood/adulthood, and for eternity.

And, the loving gifts we in turn receive from our children, are more precious than gold. Not just for the gifts, in and of themselves, but for priceless gift of their heart/s, entrusted, to us--freely, vulnerably, openly, in loving friendship, conversation, laughter. The tender heart, from which all the other gifts are bestowed.

Some gifts from Aimaija (some of the many, that I receive all through the day, everyday)......

Each morning, upon waking, a hug and a kiss and without fail, an "I love you Mama. You're my special mama.".

Above, and below, an orange, that she peeled for me, all by herself without me knowing, and brought to me. Oranges are my favorite fruit. She was so proud, heart overflowing with love. It was a joy and delight for me as we sat, together, sharing the fruit of her labor, and the fruit of our love.



One day's worth of love letters, from Aimaija, to me...



I try to make sure to receive each one with a big gentle hug and a kiss, as though it were the first one of the day, or week, or month, wide-eyed, overjoyed, thankful to be the blessed recipient of her love, no matter how busy, tired, or sick I might be.

I have used various plans of organizing their priceless gifts of artwork to me, over the years. In our old house I was able to devote an entire wall to it all, and proudly displayed it (and there was alot of it/alot of them) for all to see. I've used portfolios made of posterboard, giant books made with paper pages and a cardstock cover. And, here is this latest collection, for Aimaija, placed in an old, old scrapbook (one of several) that I found at a yard sale, for cheap.........



I am able to glue the left-hand edges (in this photo) of of each drawing, or painting, together, and then use a long strip of contact paper down along the left-hand edge (or right-hand egde on the facing page), over all the glued page edges, to hold the numerous masterpieces, together--a whole day's worth-- on the one page (I share this knowing that many of you may being gifted in the very same way, to the very same degree :o)....



And, lastly, every mother's favorite gift (besides I love you's, kisses and dandelion
bouquets), natural treasures from the woods, field, stream/or sea, making their way home, to Mama, in pockets and handfuls. Two day's gatherings put together, to be photographed, remembered, and treasured long after they have all made their way back, to where it is from whence they came. ......



And three times this, here pictured in the photograph--- giftings from each of the Littles, from their trip to the ocean, last week, with Big Papa. My photo just does not do these treasures justice. They're *beautiful*.......I love them!



God's ways are right, they're true, they're best, and only He can give us, not only the wisdom, but the desire and the ability to lay aside our own plans, our own agendas, from day-to-day, and walk in His---which is what alone, will bear the sweet fruit that God desires, for our lives and our families, for eternity.

God gives freely and liberally, simply for the be-ing and the asking, with and of, Him (though often enough, we may not even know where to begin, or just *what* to ask, as life can be hard, and people complex). When we allow God the time, and the opportunity, to love *us*, we in turn are able to love our children as He desires for us to, and only He can enable us to, who then in turn are able to see and know and love, God, us, their siblings, and those that God brings across their paths from day-to-day. What is so incredibly sweet in the younger years, gives way to something beyond expression, in the young adult and adult years.

Yes, my hands are full, but, no, I (nor Big Papa and I) haven't done it, nor do I/we do it, alone--it's actually quite the reverse. And, yes, I *am* blessed, beyond measure, by the gift of my children, because I'm first-and-foremostly blessed by the dearest friendship, of the very One that made them, knows them, loves them-- and, me, so selflessly, so completely.

He loves you, and those you most love, more than any other could ever hope to. He loves being with you, and desires your heart, above all else.

I hope you had a beautiful day.

Lovingly, Jewels

Comments

[Heidi]

Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou for posting this!

[Cara]

I stumbled across your blog and have been working my way through all your past entries. I can't stop reading... or looking. The pictures tell the story of an amazing family. I am in awe! This entry was so beautiful and such a great reminder to me. You inspire me to greater faith and better living. Thank you for sharing!

[Mystele]

Ok...once again, the Lord's rod of loving correction is yielded in my life through your story.

Jewels, this loss of my *first love* is the root of much of my struggle with parenting. I see now that I am not going to God to feast as I ought, to learn from Him, to search out His ways and then apply them in my life. This used to be my way, like you mentioned, when I was younger, before I let the busyness of life, my choices, cast a shadow over the longing to be with Him, and before my natural knack and passion for *making* became idolatrous rather than simply another way to help provide for my family.

I remember so clearly my adoration for my oldest son when he was little. I willingly and gladly spent time nurturing and shaping him, but slowly over the past 4 years (especially since my second son arrived- another difficult pregnancy and some post-partum depression that wasn't dealt with...not a pleasant start)I've succumb to an attitude of good-enough and I-deserve.

Forgive me, Lord.

Thank you, Jesus, for this old lesson made new again. Help me follow after you. Make me desperate for you as I've sung so many time before.

Thank you, Jewels. So many thanks...

[tracey]

oh jewels!! you have brought tears to my eyes with this one. you are such a dear dear soul and i love you much, you know that? how so *very thankful* i am that you have crossed my path once again. you inspire me and push me to dig deeper in God's Holy Word...and that's just the beginning. :o) *thank you* for being you.

love and hugs...

tracey
**********************************************
**Much** love to you, too, dear precious Trace. I'm so thankful, too. God is indeed good. My dear friend ((Tracey))
Lovingly, Jewels

[Irene]

What a beautiful essay about your loving relationship with God. I just found this gem as I work my way through your many posts. It's easy to get caught up in the pictures of your family and admire the dresses, aprons and other outward details of your life as you describe it, because as humans we are worldly by nature. But this post gets to the heart of the matter, it all comes from Him and in loving Him is the greatest joy of all. You are an inspiration to me, thank you so much.

[Leah]

I'm not sure I have the words to express to you the amazing blessing this post was to me today. I'd like to link to it from my blog so others may benefit from what you shared here. It has touched my heart deeply and I plan to read it often so that I can remember what you've written. Thank you so much for being willing to share so much with me/us!

The Lord be with you!

Grace & Peace,
Leah

[Jenny]

I can not begin to tell you how this blessed me tonight. Oh what a faithful loving father we have! What a friend!

[Vicki]

Jewels, I hope it's ok to comment on an older post. This beautiful post really spoke to me today. I've been struggling and failing as I try to parent my wonderful children with my own strength, what a wonderful reminder that I need to go to the Lord for that strength.

Thank you Jewels, you have such a beautiful way with words. I've been looking back over some old posts the last week and writing some recipes down. We made your carrot cake yesterday and it was ............ a resounding success!!

Best wishes
Vicki

[Katy]

I sat here....crying...as I read this! THANK YOU for your words and your love of christ!!!!!!

[MrsS]

Dear Jewels,

...just...thank you for allowing Him to work through you and for taking the time to share. I awakened to the source of all my exhaustion and weariness while reading this post. It seems it is so possible to be seeking after "good" things, when it amounts to chasing after wind, when the focus is not squarely on the LORD. No formulas, no purely cerebral answers, just *be*ing with Him as He transforms. He is our Maker and knows us better than we do ourselves.

Hugs to you and may you enjoy a day of *be*ing with Him and your loved ones.

[SplittyMom]

Thank you.
<><
Cassandra

[Angela]

The early mornings, when it is still dark outside, you will find me in my wicker chair, and His Word upon my lap. I CANNOT go through my day without first spending time with God our Father. Lately the Lord has led me to be on my knees afterward, by a wicker love seat, praying to Him, giving Him praise for this new day, for His will be done. My mornings bring me into His presence and there are times I am overcome with tears, oh how precious He is. That the King of Glory would desire to spend time with me. ok,,I need a kleenex to wipe the tears..Thank you my precious one for sharing this. We MUST encourage our sister's in the Lord to find the time to spend with the ONLY One that can truly help them through the day to be all that He has called them to be. I have shared with the ladies that come to my Bible Study, "if you want to get to know someone better, you spend time with them, you build on that relationship. So if you want a closer walk with God, a deeper level of intimacy with Him, than you need to spend time with Him!"
((hugs))

[Katy]

I know this was written almost 2 years ago now...but I just happened to it today. I think God lead me to it. Your words and wisdom and encouragement...are just amazing. I know that it is from God that this all comes as well.
This post has truly humbled me. I won't go on to ramble with my thoughts and such....but I just wanted you to know that even though this was written so long ago (a blink of an eye when I look at my children though)...it touched me and has humbled me and brought me to many realizations about my own walk with Him. Thank you for it....I am sure I will read and reread it sometimes when I need the encouragement. You have such a ministry through your family, your mothering and your sharing here...I truly appreciate it and it has challenged and encouraged me to be a better woman of God and wife and mother! Thank you Jewels! I hope you are all well! :)

~katy :o)

[Katy]

I just realized that I have commented on this post before...back in August of 08....God knew I needed it now...He brought me here. I have a bit of the winter blues...it's been a long, hard winter and more to come. :) God is good!!!!!!!

[Jewels]

Oh ((Katy)) that's great. He truly is *so* very good. Praying for you, precious little sister. Tenderly, Jewels

[Jayne]

I do not know you, but I am much blessed and reminded of my responsibility to my children. Thank you!

[Angelia]

Hello Jewel, I was lead here by Kind Katy's blog (The Country Blossm). I have heard His voice reminding me of the "be"ing and thru your post here. I see His smile and arms open wide, greeting with words of lovingkindness. Thank you. Smiles, Angelia